The Chronicles of Marriage: Mastering the Art of Aloneness

Welcome to Wisdom’s Quill.  For the month of February, in honor of Valentine’s Day, I will be focusing on love and relationships in a series of posts called: The Chronicles of Marriage.   Please enjoy this first post, and please stop by next week for part 2.

So, it’s Valentine’s Day and you’re single…How are you handling that?

Your answer to this question can determine the time you have left in your single-state.  If you view being single as a negative condition, it creates an aura around you that attracts negativity into your life.  Instead of sulking in your singleness, desperately searching for Mr. or Ms. Right to show up and magically sweep you off of your feet, why not try your hand at mastering the art of aloneness? 

Yes…singleness is an art which, as it turns out, can be very sexy.  You have the power to be magnetic in all areas of your life, from your appearance to your personality all by focusing on, and developing the one person that you can actually control…YOU. 

Interested?  Fabulous…keep reading.

 

The Purpose of Singleness

Being alone affords you a powerful opportunity to learn all about yourself without the liability of another person along for the ride.  What do you like?  What are your pet peeves?  What are your strengths?  How about your weaknesses?  If you don’t know the answers to these questions, how can someone else truly get to know you on an intimate level?  When I say intimate, I’m not talking about sexually.  Rather, it’s about going beyond the surface of who you are.  You should have layers that make up the “whole you.”  Layers make you interesting, and those layers should reveal different aspects of who you are as a whole person.  These parts should intrigue and affect people every time they discover a new layer.  Ever peel back the layers of an onion without being affected? 

 

Alone, Not Lonely

There is a difference between being alone and being lonely.   Loneliness is a negative emotion experienced as a result of a perceived void.  It’s an emotional flag that something or someone is missing.  Sometimes, this is a natural response when you lose family members, employment, or anything else of great value.  In essence, it’s a phase of the grieving process. 

Loneliness is different.  According to the Online Etymology Dictionary, the word “alone” actually originates from two words: “all one.”  It simply means “all in one” or “unaccompanied.”  Think about it this way, when you’ve mastered being alone, you become self-sufficient, and everyone that God brings into your life will benefit from the wholeness that you bring to the table.  You have everything that you need already within you.  Spend your singleness developing yourself.  Just because you’re alone right now doesn’t mean you have to be lonely.  Get out and get involved in new activities as an exercise in self-discovery.  Take on new responsibilities and learn new hobbies.  Responsibility increases your attractiveness immensely.  Who knows, you may even bump right into your future mate while you’re out there living life and having fun doing so.

 

Adam, The Garden of Eden, and Aloneness

Food for thought: 

God initially created Adam alone.  Adam never asked God for a wife.  It was God’s idea to bless him with Eve, a mate suitable for him (Genesis 2).  Before Eve came along, Adam was just hanging out in Eden (which, by the way, means “delight”) doing a little farming, naming the animals, and just delighting in his work, when all of a sudden…BAMThere was Eve.  Aren’t you happy that God knows what we need even before we do.  I believe when we spend our singleness discovering and delighting in those things that we are passionate about, it brings life to us and others who are around us.  That’s why I love going to concerts and experiencing the arts.  There’s nothing like observing people in their element who are passionate about their art. 

Your Garden of Eden is within you when you learn how to delight in being yourself.   

 

Love Thyself

Just to clarify, in no way am I saying that if you are single now, you should spend the rest of your life alone.  That’s totally unrealistic.  On a certain level, interaction with others is vital for you to learn certain facets about yourself.  I believe that it’s the plan of God for you to ultimately share your life with that special someone if you desire to be married.  The greatest expression of love, is to love yourself enough to allow God’s love to flow through you to others.   

Remember:

“The secret of attraction is to love yourself.  Attractive people judge neither themselves or others.  They are open to gestures of love.  They think about love, and express their love in every action.”–Deepak Chopra

Let’s talk.  In the comments section, list some interesting things that you have recently learned about yourself.  What were you doing when you discovered those new things?  How has it affected you?  Looking forward to hearing from you…and as always, thank you for visiting Wisdom’s Quill.

BE

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4 thoughts on “The Chronicles of Marriage: Mastering the Art of Aloneness

  1. When I first started reading, I’m not gonna lie…I was like [vomit, more Valentines], buuuuut I love this post, bro!! Your truth wrapped in grace makes reading what could be difficult to digest just wonderful to reflect on. It especially rings true for this season I am currently in. I have found so much joy in rediscovering what makes me tick, and selfishly spending time doing that without worrying I am taking time or energy from someone else. I’ve been able to travel more and also “do nothing” more, both equally appealing, haha! I love learning about myself, and it’s making realizing what I don’t want in the future a lot easier to determine.

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  2. Excellent post, Brian, and interesting question: what have I learned about myself lately? I have learned that my job was keeping me from doing what I loved. For years, I embraced a sales job that I was less than passionate about. Recently while sewing (one of my passions), I realized that I could use this hobby to start a business that I would love! My old job made me feel “stuck”, and I dreaded going to work every day. I now realize that the opportunities are limitless, and I have finally started my own business! Wisdom’s Quill is a great tool that helps me both personally and professionally. Thanks, B.E.!!

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    • Phenomenal awareness, Kendra!!! Thank you for sharing that with us. It’s amazing what you will hear when you take time to listen. As Plato once said, “Necessity is mother of invention.” Thanks for always stopping by, and blessings in your new business venture.
      BE

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